The lie made it worse
I made a story of telling a lie. I called it “The lie made it worse". Then I give it to my teacher and she corrected my story.
Now I will make a second draft of it down here.
Here is my second draft:
One day I got a 1 in an exam. Then I got a 2, and later on I got a 5. My parents started saying that I had to study more because I am intelligent but I played a lot with the play station 4.
One week later my mother said, “up to here! You start studing now for the make up," and I said, “yes, wait a minute." My mother came and tienes off my play station 4 “ I said now" she said. I got angry and went to my bedroom to “study". I started playing with my phone two hours. Later I said, “can I play now that I studied a lot", and my mother said, “yes". I knew that I was lying by I did not care. One day later, I had the make up and I didn't put anything. 24 hours later, I saw the exam and I saw a 1 and my teacher said,“ you repeated 6th grade"so I got sad and I learned the how important Is to study and I knew it for the next Time.
Now I will make a second draft of it down here.
Here is my second draft:
One day I got a 1 in an exam. Then I got a 2, and later on I got a 5. My parents started saying that I had to study more because I am intelligent but I played a lot with the play station 4.
One week later my mother said, “up to here! You start studing now for the make up," and I said, “yes, wait a minute." My mother came and tienes off my play station 4 “ I said now" she said. I got angry and went to my bedroom to “study". I started playing with my phone two hours. Later I said, “can I play now that I studied a lot", and my mother said, “yes". I knew that I was lying by I did not care. One day later, I had the make up and I didn't put anything. 24 hours later, I saw the exam and I saw a 1 and my teacher said,“ you repeated 6th grade"so I got sad and I learned the how important Is to study and I knew it for the next Time.
Federico,
ResponderEliminarYour story is very good. You have included a lie in the centre of the conflict and chosen an ending in which the character learns a lesson.
These are my corrections:
- direct speech: you have to use capital letters at the beginning: I said, "Yes, wait a minute." and not: I said, "yes, wait a minute."
- re read before posting because sometime we make typing mistakes, for example: "tienes off my play station"
- There are some wrong expressions, such us "up to here" (This is it/Enough...), "I didn't put anything" (I didn't write anything)
Mark: 8,50 (eight fifty)